I didn’t mean it. =(

This morning when I was on the train, the lady in front of me got up to alight, so I sat down.

Two seconds after I’ve sat down, the girl beside me got up to give up her seat to a pregnant lady.

I DON’T KNOW IF I UNKNOWINGLY SNATCHED SEAT FROM A PREGNANT LADY LEH.

But but… I really didn’t see her!

If I did, I really wouldn’t have sat down already!

I’m feeling very ashamed for not checking if anyone else needed that seat before sitting down.

Earthquake

I haven’t slept well last night. Slept at 0700 hours, and woke up at 1100 hours, then I decided to go back to sleep at 1200 hours only to be jolted awake at 1400 hours.

During the two hour nap from 12oo to 1400 hours, I had a dream.

I dreamt that I was in an earthquake.

I couldn’t find shelter. The room shook vigorously for a while and all the furniture started to slide down like the whole building was collapsing.

To make things worse, my two precious were in the dream. (Except that they weren’t scared, and were still smiling. WTF. Well at least it explains why they are my smiles.) They were under a table, surrounded and trapped by furniture.

I think someone asked me to find a cover, but I didn’t.

I stood rooted to the ground, my eyes were transfixed at this blue sofa that stood in front of  of the table; in front of the kids. If the room were to tilt towards them… I couldn’t imagine the worse. I looked frantically around to see the furniture that surrounded them and found that I couldn’t move them away from the kids. I contemplated on getting them out, but there was no other shelter for me to park them at.

I was helpless.

The dream then changed scene to the car park.

It was still the earthquake, except that the ground were leveled.

We (I forgot who) walked along the car park looking at the cars and noticed all the cars had a dent at the same spot, meaning the cars had collided down when the floor was tilted and after which, deep dents were left on every car along the same row.

Then I woke up.

I don’t usually do this, but I did a search  on Earthquake dreams…

To dream of an earthquake suggests that you are experiencing a major “shake-up” that is threatening your stability and foundation.  The dream highlights your insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. Is there something in your life that you feel at “fault” for?

If you find cover from the quake, you will overcome these challenges.  If you become trapped or injured during the quake, you will suffer some sort of loss in your life. According to the bible, earthquakes symbolize God’s anger and power.

meanings by DreamMoods.com

Confessions of a Broken Hearted

I’ve been busy occupying all my spare time so I won’t have any time or chance to think about my pain. At the end of the day, I realize the impact that hit me when I’m alone would only be bigger. Yet I still chose to do it, because I don’t wanna be miserable for the entire day. At least, with the company of my friends, with the love ones, I don’t have to pretend so much. At least, as the day sums up, when the loneliness draws in, it’d be time for bed, and morning will come soon where I’ll be met with cheerful smiles.

There are so many things I wanna say, so many things I truly want, but whatever I say is not gonna make any difference.

I am fast becoming someone I don’t know.

I used to be someone who fights for what she wants. If I want it, I’d either do something about it, or I just randomly throw a bitch fit for it. I mean, one way or another, you will get it right?

But no, life doesn’t work that way;

The world doesn’t revolve around you.

Some times, having what you want is not gonna make you happy. Having it your way will only hurt the people around you, and when people around you has to get hurt because of you, nothing matters anymore; Not even the short spanned happiness you’ve gotten for yourself.

I’ve grown. I really have. I’ve grown to care for people around me, and to cater to the needs of the people I love. I want people around me to be happy; Especially if they mean a lot to me. I hate fights. I’d do my best to not fight because fighting doesn’t do anybody any good. So I give in. After awhile, I get used to the gesture of giving in just to please the love ones. Even if it is not what I want, even if it hurts me.

Just one day.

Can I have just a day to be selfish?

I want to throw tantrums. I want to be unreasonable. I want everything to go my way. I want to say what I really want to say, do what I really want to do, have what I really want to have. I want people to listen to what is at the bottom of my heart, rather than tell them things I didn’t mean just so they will feel better about the situation. I want to be able to do all these without having to think about the consequences.

Its for the better; It’s for the better.

Do you believe me? Is it really? Is that what I want? How come you’ve never asked me what I want? How come you never thought about how unfair it was for me? How come it never crossed your mind that the decision I made was a painful one, and probably something that I never would have wanted to make? How come I’m pushing something I want away when I should be pulling it in? How could it be for the better when it’s hurting on both ends?

I want to be genuinely happy. I want to smile from within.

But.

Will I really be happy if I’ve gotten that borrowed form of happiness through selfish means?

I guess not.

Back to square one.

When the morning comes, 我会微笑着醒来.

Post Injury

I was contemplating between updating a post on my life; post injury, and one on my useless manager.

The former won; Because I don’t really wanna grumble and make everybody sulk together with me. (Sulk together cause I’m spreading the gloom.)

Actually, my post injury post would be full of complaints too. HAHAHA. (Eh, one fill of anger, one full of sorrows, you’ll prefer the latter right? Yes, objection overruled.)

NO FISH PRAWNS ALSO GOOD OK.

As you all know, I started work on Monday.

Mondays have never been so blue, I tell you.

I don’t usually get Monday blues, reason being, I’m usually blue because I’m too tired.

But as you all know, my weekends are usually spent with the kids, so since I’m home on all weekends, I don’t get tired, after abundance of rest, on Monday.

Also, I don’t like to walk. I found walking a pain because Iwas pure lazy. Now, I don’t like to walk BECAUSE IT LITERALLY IS A PAIN. =(

A walk that took me five minutes to go through, takes me TWENTY minutes now.

Do you know how miserable I was? =( And I walk pretty fast, so this current change literally slowed me down. MUCH.

Back at the office, I can’t walk to and fro to print things, get water, and whatever silly chores that requires me to walk. Even for lunch, I had to get someone to pack it back to the office.

And the worse thing is, my awesome smelly colleagues had to pack their lunch back, too, so as to accompany me.

The Office, regardless of which, is a gloomy place. You get more depressed the longer you stay inside, and I am depriving the lovely ones around me the chance of going out of that sick place, even for an hour. =(

I can’t wait to be able to run and hop and jump.

Like yesterday, I was telling Audrey I wanted to go singing, and she said:

“You cannot sing high songs.” (cause I can’t get high with an injured foot. T.T)

Adding salt to my wound, insult to my injury, my cousin’s wedding is this Saturday.

Weddings, are excuses where you can dress up and do your hair, and take beautiful pictures.

I bought the AWESOMEST PAIR OF SHOES (most expensive) in my cabinet, one of the highest and chioest, AND I CANNOT WEAR IT NOW BECAUSE OF MY FOOT! =(

And I now have nothing to wear because all my decent looking dresses are short, and I don’t wanna ‘flaunt’ my wounds to everybody.

Sigh.

Melancholy is so me, it’s becoming an understatement.

*tears*

S Club – Say Goodbye

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart, is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts, is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don’t you cry
’cause true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there’ll be things we’ll wish we’d never said
In a year from now
Maybe we’ll see each other, standing on the same street corner though it rains
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the World I’d make this last

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart, is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts, is the only way now for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don’t you cry
’cause true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I’ll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart, is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts, is the only way now for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don’t you cry
Because a true love never dies